My Monday Mixer Disaster
Woke up Monday feeling useless. Decided to finally figure out this whole DJ mixing thing after weeks of my playlists crashing like toy cars.
Plugged in my old Numark controller – dusty as hell. Turned it on. Fiddled with REALLY LOUD volume knob that scared my cat off the couch. Spilled cold coffee on the USB cable trying to plug it into my laptop. Great start.
Opened up Virtual DJ (free version obviously). Loaded two random tracks:
- Some upbeat disco garbage
- A slow sad piano thing
Sounded like trash can avalanche. Slapped the crossfader left and right like a maniac – pure noise pollution. Neighbors definitely hate me now.
Remembered something about “cue points”. Spent 30 minutes smashing buttons trying to set them. Accidentally deleted half my library twice. Found one weird button that makes spaceship noises when pressed. Not helpful.
Tried blending the disco track ending into the piano intro. Sounded like:
- Disco screaming
- Sudden silence
- Piano creeping in like a burglar
My ears wanted to die. Tried messing with this EQ thing. Turned all knobs to max like an idiot. Speakers made dying whale sounds. Reset everything.
Finally figured out the tempo slider. Sped up the piano until it sounded like chipmunks on helium. Slowed the disco track into creepy funeral march. Both terrible.
Found one track’s breakdown section after ACTUAL FORTY MINUTES of clicking around. Set a cue point before I forgot how. Then hunted through the other track for something halfway decent to mix into. Leg fell asleep. Almost faceplanted into the controller.
Moment of truth time. Hit play on Track 1. Let it run to my crappy cue point. Hit play on Track 2 WAY TOO EARLY. Total musical car crash. Tried again. Too late. Silence awkward enough to make my plants wilt.
Third try: Nailed the timing (mostly). Started sliding crossfader gently instead of wrestling it. Used the volume knobs LIKE A NORMAL PERSON instead of cranking them. Gradually turned off some ear-bleeding disco elements while bringing in the piano. Listened for once.
Holy crap. No screeching. No dead air. Just… music flowing together. Almost smooth. Like oil and water mixing – if oil and water didn’t hate each other. Kids didn’t run away screaming. Progress.
Wrote down what ACTUALLY WORKED for once:
- Stop rage-twisting knobs like a caveman
- Find quiet parts in songs (way harder than it sounds)
- Fix BPM first so they run at same speed (duh)
- Slide things slowly. Like REALLY slow.
- Listen more. Press buttons less.
Feeling less stupid. Mixer isn’t on fire. Small wins.
