Man, trying to copy that Neymar 2014 haircut last Tuesday was… something. Always liked how wild it looked back then, figured “how hard could it be?”. Spoiler: Hard. And kinda stupid. But here’s exactly how I screwed it up.
The “Great” Idea Strikes
Was scrolling old football pics, saw that iconic Neymar cut – messy top, super tight sides, those clean lines carved in. Watched one of those “easy tutorial” things online afterwards. Mistake number one right there. Those dudes make it look like brushing teeth. Thought I had my crappy home clippers, scissors, even found some cheap wax in a drawer. “Alright,” I told myself in the mirror, “Let’s do this.” Famous last words.
Where Everything Went Wrong
Started off cocky. Grabbed the clippers without any guard, buzzing the sides way too high. Like, practically to the scalp on the sides above my ears. The tutorial guy just breezed over that part. Felt fine… until I touched it. Felt like sandpaper. Too late now.
Next up: The fade. Supposed to blend that sandpaper feel into the longer top. Yeah, right. My clippers only had like four guard sizes. Went from zero guard, tried jumping to the next smallest guard… instant stripe. Like a reverse skunk line on both sides. Looked less “Neymar cool”, more “dad tried a home haircut in the 90s”. Panicked, tried to fix it with the bigger guard. Made it worse. More stripes. Ended up just buzzing the whole side section kinda short and hoping the top hid it. Spoiler: It did not.
Then, the top. Still had hope! Just needed to cut it messy-long. Chopped at it with kitchen scissors (mistake two hundred). Looked uneven, like chunks were missing. Tried texturizing it like the video said – you know, point-cutting? Ended up just making weird, random spikes. Great.
The “Signature” Lines
Here’s where it got desperate. Neymar’s hair always had sharp lines shaved in, right? Grabbed my wife’s eyebrow razor. Mistake number three hundred. Tried to shave a straight line above my temple. Wobbly. So wobbly. Made it thicker to hide the wobble. Ended up with a weird, crooked trench just above my ear. Did the other side slightly different because why not at this point? Symmetry? Pfft.
Product Disaster & Facing Reality
Time for styling salvation! Slathered on that cheap wax. Way too much. Got my hair looking wet and spiky, like a sad hedgehog, not messy-cool. The wax felt like glue. Got some in my eye. Stung like crazy. The “messy” top collapsed almost immediately anyway. Just stuck to my scalp.
Stared in the bathroom mirror. The tight sides looked naked. The “fade” was practically invisible (except for those accidental stripes I’d tried to cover). The top wasn’t messy-chic, it was messy-sad. And those shaved lines? They didn’t scream “Neymar 2014.” They screamed “Barber School Dropout.”
The “Final” Look (and Damage Control)
Couldn’t leave the house like that. No way. Covered the spiky, wax-glued top with a hat. Had to. Told my buddy it was an “artistic interpretation” when he spotted the sides. He laughed for five minutes straight. Solidarity? Nope.
So, did I get the Neymar 2014 hair? Absolutely not. Not even close.
What did I learn?
- YouTube tutorials lie. They make impossible cuts look simple.
- Home clippers are not professional tools. Especially mine.
- Carving lines with an eyebrow razor is asking for wonky scars. Stick to brows.
- Too much cheap wax = greasy helmet head.
- Sometimes the only fix is a hat.
If you wanna try this at home? Honestly? Don’t. Just… don’t. Save yourself the mirror shock and the hat shame. Go see someone who actually knows how to hold clippers. My attempt was a hot mess, but hey, at least it makes a good “what NOT to do” story!
