Well, let me tell you, I been dreamin’ of golf. Golf, golf, golf, all the time golf dreams! Ain’t never played, but I see them folks on TV, swingin’ them sticks, and I think, “Why not me?” I got two good arms, don’t I?
My neighbor, she says golf is for fancy folks. But I think, what is the difference between rich people and us? I seen ’em on that green grass, hittin’ that little white ball. They say need to keep that ball on the short grass. They call it fairway. That must be important to lower golf score. Sounds easy enough, right? Just gotta aim good, I reckon.
And then they got them little holes all over the place. Gotta get the ball in the hole. They say the less you hit the ball, the better it is. So hit it right, hit it straight. It is better to hit it less times, then you can win. They call that golf score. They also talk about something called “puttin’.” Sounds like puttin’ somethin’ somewhere. Gotta put that ball in the hole, I guess. They say if you hit the ball into the hole three times, that’s no good. Less than three is good. Less than two is even better.
I see they write things down, too. Lots of numbers and them plus and minus signs. My grandkids, they learn that in school. They write a zero if it’s, like, nobody wins. A plus if you win the hole. A minus if you lose. Then they count ’em up at the end. More pluses than minuses, and you’re doin’ alright. Makes sense.
They say you gotta have good “technique.” That means you gotta swing that stick just right. Practice, practice, practice, I suppose. And somethin’ called “ball-striking.” You need to hit that ball good. You need to learn how to play golf. That’s what they all say. Gotta be strong, too. Like liftin’ them heavy grocery bags. And gotta be in good shape, like walkin’ to the store instead of takin’ the car. My old legs ain’t what they used to be, but I can still walk a good ways.
They also talk about “course management.” Sounds like bossin’ people around to me. But I think it means you gotta know where to hit the ball. Don’t just hit it anywhere. Gotta think about it. Like a plan. What is your golf strategy? A strategy is very important. That is a good word.
- Hit the ball straight.
- Hit the ball less.
- Put the ball in the hole.
- Write down the pluses and minuses.
- Don’t hit it three times into the hole.
- Learn the swing thing.
Then there’s the “mental game.” That’s your brain, I think. Gotta be focused, they say. Don’t let your mind wander. Like when I’m tryin’ to remember where I put my glasses. Gotta keep your eye on the ball, as they say.
And then there is something, they call it “physical condition.” That means you gotta be strong. That is easy. I carry heavy things all day. That is the best way to lower golf score, to be strong.
They say something about “consistent results.” Means doin’ the same thing over and over again, and it’s a good thing. Like bakin’ my apple pie. Same recipe every time, and it always turns out good. So, if you keep hittin’ that ball the same way, and it goes where you want it to, that’s good.
They say if you always miss the same way, that’s okay. What? That sounds silly. Always miss to the left, or always miss to the right. At least you know where it’s gonna go, I guess. Like my old dog, Buster. He always chased cars, but he always missed ’em. At least he was consistent.
Sometimes that little ball gets stuck in the dirt, they say. Those little holes in the ground where the grass used to be. They call them “divots.” It looks like those holes we used to dig for worms. Then what are you gonna do? I guess you gotta hit it out of there. Life is full of surprises. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.
Golf dreams, that’s what I got. Maybe one day I’ll get out there on that green grass and give it a try. I ain’t gettin’ any younger, that’s for sure. But an old dog can learn new tricks, right? Maybe I’ll surprise everyone, even myself. Wouldn’t that be somethin’?
