Alright folks, grab a coffee, this one got wild. Decided to finally crack this whole “hawk tuah nascar” idea bouncing in my head for weeks. Not sure exactly what possessed me, probably too much late-night YouTube. Basically, wanted to see if I could kinda, sorta… train a local red-tailed hawk, the big one always perched near the old barn, to dive onto a toy NASCAR car while I drove my RC truck around. Yeah, sounds nuts writing it now.
Getting My Gear Together Was Step One
First off, needed the right kit:
- Thick leather gloves: Found my old welding ones, figured they’d do.
- Raw chicken bits: Grabbed ’em from the fridge freezer, wife wasn’t thrilled.
- That old RC NASCAR: Dusty as hell from the garage, charged it up.
- My good camcorder: Had to record this madness for proof.
- Patience: Yeah, mostly needed a boatload of that.
Drove out to the back fields early, like 6 AM quiet. Saw the hawk way up high already. Felt kinda small.
The Hawk Choreography Attempt
Started simple. Just stood out in the open, glove on, holding a big chunk of chicken high. Waved it a bit. Felt ridiculous. That hawk? Didn’t give a hoot. Circled maybe twice and sailed off towards Miller’s Creek. Great start.
Came back next day, same spot. Brought better chicken pieces. Tried staying dead still this time. Almost an hour in, nothing but mosquitoes biting my neck. Then, bam! Whoosh overhead, felt the wind. Looked up – hawk was just gliding past. Not landing. Showoff.
Third day got interesting. Tossed a piece of chicken a few feet away from me instead of holding it. Walked back, stayed frozen. Watched it from the corner of my eye. Minute later, swoosh! Hawk slammed that chicken like it stole something. Heart was pounding. Tossed another piece a bit closer to me. Took a risk. It hesitated, head bobbing, then snatched it quick. Okay, progress! Got it kinda chilling near me for food, still jumpy.
Introducing the NASCAR Element
Few days later, figured it was RC time. Parked the NASCAR truck way off, maybe 50 yards in the field. Hawk was watching from a tree. Tried calling it over for chicken. Did the dumb whistle thing I saw online. No dice.
Moved the truck closer, like 20 yards. Turned it on. That high-pitched RC whine? Hawk did not like that. Flared its wings, screamed, took off fast. Well, that sucked.
Next attempt: Chicken piece placed near the turned off RC truck. Hawk eyed it, then landed near the truck, snatched the chicken, bolted before I could breathe. Okay, associated chicken with the truck.
Dared to try the next step. Truck parked, OFF. Chicken on the hood. Hawk landed, grabbed chicken. While it was distracted eating, I snuck the RC controller and flicked the truck ON. Just lights, no movement. Hawk jumped, but stayed put. Barely. Heart attack city.
Then… disaster day. Got cocky. Had the hawk eating chicken off the hood of the turned-on truck. Took the plunge. Used the controller and nudged the truck forward an inch. Took off the brake, just a tiny crawl.
Hawk. Freaked. Out. Wings exploded, chicken flew, talons scraped the hood of the RC truck hard. Scratched the paint bad. Then it panicked, tried to lift off but its foot tangled in a wire antenna for a split second. Bird screamed, I screamed, finally it ripped free, leaving two big feathers behind and a chunk of chicken stuck under the hood.
My arm? Got a solid whack from a wing on the upswing. Throbbed for hours. Looked like I lost a bar fight.
So, Did Hawk Tuah NASCAR Happen?
Honestly? Nope. Not even close. The whole “dive onto a moving RC car” fantasy? Ended with a terrified hawk, a scratched-up toy, and me nursing a bruised ego and a banged-up forearm.
Spent the next week just tossing chicken from afar, trying to apologize without words. It eventually took food again, but kept a much wider berth around the field. My RC NASCAR still has the battle scars.
What’d I learn?
- Hawks are wild predators, not circus dogs. Feeling kinda dumb for thinking otherwise.
- RC car sounds are terrifying when you’re a bird.
- Welding gloves are useful, but hawk wings pack a punch.
- Some ideas are best enjoyed as daydreams while dead tired on the couch.
The bruise is almost gone. The hawk? Seems okay. My pride? Takes a bit longer to heal. Lesson thoroughly learned. Think I’ll stick to birdwatching without attempting choreography next time. Maybe just the NASCAR video game.
