Okay, so today I decided to really sit down and wrestle with this thing I’ve been calling ‘meaning stewart’ in my head.
It’s not about a person named Stewart, really. It’s more like… trying to make sense of a jumble of things. A situation, maybe? A feeling? Hard to pin down. It felt like a stew of ideas and events that just didn’t sit right, didn’t have a clear point. So, ‘meaning stewart’ became my shorthand for trying to figure it out.
Getting Started
First, I just let my mind wander around it. Didn’t force anything. Just observed the thoughts that popped up. It was messy. Like emptying a junk drawer onto the floor. A lot of unrelated bits and pieces.
Then, I grabbed a notebook. Decided to try and list the main ingredients of this ‘stew’. What were the core pieces that were bothering me or confusing me? I wrote down a few bullet points:
- This feeling of inconsistency.
- That conversation I had last week.
- Why that project went sideways.
- A general sense of ‘what’s the point?’.
Seeing them written down helped a bit. Made it feel less like a giant fog and more like separate clouds.
The Muddle
But trying to connect them? That was tough. I tried drawing lines between the points. Erased them. Drew new ones. It felt like I was just making patterns without any real understanding. Honestly, for a good hour, I just felt stuck. Kept circling back to the same confusing thoughts. It wasn’t a clean process at all. More like stirring mud.
I thought about different angles. Tried looking at it from someone else’s perspective – how might they see this ‘stew’? That helped loosen things up a little. It introduced some possibilities I hadn’t considered.
A Small Shift
Didn’t get some grand revelation. No sudden clarity. But I did notice a small shift. By just sitting with the discomfort, by naming the parts, by trying to see it differently… the pressure lessened. It wasn’t about finding one single meaning. Maybe the ‘meaning’ was just in understanding the different flavors in the stew, even if they don’t blend perfectly.
It’s not resolved. Not really. But the act of digging into it, of doing the ‘meaning stewart’ practice, felt productive. Like I aired out a stuffy room. It’s still the same room, but it feels a bit better to be in it.
So, that was my practice today. Just chipping away at understanding. Slow work. Often messy work. But necessary, I think.
