Today’s mess started when I totally lost Bernard and Rose — no clue where I left ’em. My heart just sank when I realized they were gone, like, nowhere in the house. Started tearing everything apart: shook out couch cushions, dug through all my jacket pockets. No luck.
Phase 1: The Panic Search
First, I retraced my whole dang day. You know that movie scene where someone’s frantically rewinding? That was me.
- Checked the car: Under seats, glovebox, even the trunk. Found old fries. No Bernard.
- Scoured the grocery store parking lot where I last remembered having Rose. Just asphalt and shopping carts.
- Called the coffee shop: “Yeah, we found a charger and half a muffin… but no Bernard or Rose.”
Felt like an idiot. Was ready to give up when my neighbor shouted, “Yo, your backpack’s zipper’s open!”
Phase 2: The “Duh” Moment
Turns out I’d clipped Bernard (my keys) to Rose (my water bottle) and stuffed them in my backpack’s side pocket. The zipper slid open just enough for them to vanish inside the lining. Had to practically turn the backpack inside out to fish ’em out. Rose was sideways, leaking everywhere. Perfect.
3 Things I’ll Actually Do Next Time
Stop attaching stuff randomly: No more clipping keys to bottles. Just. Don’t.
Check backpack linings FIRST: If something’s missing, that black hole eats things 90% of the time.
Chill before tearing the house down: Wasted an hour panicking instead of thinking straight. Breathe. Then hunt.
Lost two hours, soaked half my papers, but hey — found my stuff. Lesson learned. Mostly.
