Okay, so I messed up. Bad. And I wanted my ex back, like, really wanted them back. I spent a few days just wallowing, feeling sorry for myself, eating way too much ice cream. Then, I decided to actually do something about it. Here’s what I did, step-by-step, and what I said (and didn’t say) to try and win them back.
Phase 1: The Radio Silence
First thing I did? Absolutely nothing. I know, sounds counterintuitive. But I needed to give us both some space. I resisted the urge to text, call, or even “accidentally” bump into them. This lasted for about three weeks. It was tough. I used this time to actually think about what went wrong, and what I could have done better. It helped to take time for self-reflection.
Phase 2: The Feelers
After the radio silence, I started small. I didn’t go straight for the “I love you, please take me back” speech. Instead, I sent a simple, casual text. Something like:
- “Hey, I saw [something that reminded you of them]. Made me think of you. Hope you’re doing well.”
Key here: No pressure, no expectations. Just a friendly, lighthearted message. It got a response! We chatted a bit, very casually, about everyday stuff. I kept it brief and positive.
Phase 3: The Apology (and Ownership)
After a few days of light texting, I decided it was time to address the elephant in the room. I asked if they were open to talking, and they agreed. I didn’t do this over text, I think important conversations is important, but it’s okay to start via text. Here’s the gist of what I said:
- “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I wanted to apologize for [specific thing I did wrong]. I wasn’t being a good partner when I [did that thing], and I understand if you’re hurt/angry.”
Crucially, I owned my mistakes. No excuses, no blaming them. I focused on my actions and how they affected my ex.
Phase 4: The “I’ve Changed” (But Showing, Not Just Telling)
This wasn’t a one-time conversation. Over the next few weeks, I continued to communicate, but I focused on showing them I had changed, rather than just saying it. For example, if one of our issues was that I wasn’t supportive enough, I made a conscious effort to be more present and engaged when we talked. I’d ask about their day, offer help with things, and just generally be more attentive. Like, I remembered my ex mentioned a stressful work project, so I sent a quick text later that week asking how it was going. Small things, but they add up.
Phase 5: The Gradual Reconnection
- I have tried to have a face-to-face conversation again with them, it goes well.
As we continued to talk, I slowly started to suggest doing things together again, but nothing that felt like a “date.” I said the key points like:
- “Hey, are you free to grab coffee sometime this week? Just as friends, of course.”
- “There’s a new exhibition at the [museum/gallery], would you like to have a check?”
The “just as friends” part is important. It takes the pressure off and lets them know you’re not trying to force anything. We grabbed coffee, and it was surprisingly…normal. We laughed, we talked, and it felt like old times, but with a new sense of awareness and respect.
Phase 6: The Honest Conversation (and Uncertainty)
After a few casual hangouts, I felt like it was time to have a more honest conversation about where we stood. I didn’t want to assume anything. So, I just laid it all out there.I think the key point is to be prepared, be vulnerable, be honest. Here’s what I said:
- “I know I messed up, and I’ve really been working on myself. I value you so much, and I miss having you in my life. I understand if you’re not ready, but I’d really like to try again, if you’re open to it.”
Their response? It wasn’t a straight “yes” or “no.” They said they needed some time to think, which I completely respected. And that’s where I am right now. It’s uncertain, but I feel good about how I’ve handled things. I’ve been honest, respectful, and I’ve genuinely tried to learn from my mistakes. Ultimately, even if we don’t get back together, I’ve grown as a person, and that’s something.
Update: After a week of nervous waiting, I got my answer. I show my real change and impress my *,we’re back together! It’s not perfect, and we’re taking things slow, but I’m so happy we’re giving it another shot. This whole experience has taught me so much about communication, respect, and the importance of actually showing someone you care, not just saying it.
