This here Hunt Valley Country Club, it’s a big fancy place, I tell ya. Ain’t never seen nothin’ like it ’round these parts. They got all sorts of stuff goin’ on over there. Heard it from Mildred down at the market, she said her boy works there, cleanin’ up and such. Says it’s real nice, lots of green grass, like a whole lot of green grass.

They got this thing called a “golf.” Now, I ain’t never played it myself, sounds like a whole lot of walkin’ to me. But them folks at the Hunt Valley Country Club, they love it. They hit a little white ball with a stick. Mildred says it’s for rich folks, mostly. They ride around in little carts, too, like they’re too good to walk.
And they got food, oh boy, do they got food! Not like the food we make at home, no sir. Fancy food, with little tiny vegetables and sauces you can’t even pronounce. They call it the Canter Kitchen. Sounds like a horse to me, but Mildred says it’s real good. They got cocktails, too. Strong stuff, I bet. They drink it up like it’s water.
They have them events, too, all sorts of shindigs. Like that Winter Wreath-Making Workshop. They teach ya how to make a decoration made with branches and stuff, I guess. Ain’t never made a wreath with flowers and stuff like that, use what we have around the farm. They got something called an HVCC Artisan Market too. Probably sellin’ fancy soaps and whatnot.
- They got somethin’ called “Totally 80s Night”
- They play music, loud music.
- They be wearin’ them funny clothes from back in the day.
- They got a DJ, whatever that is.
And they got a shop, they say it’s for the “junior golf.” I reckon that’s for the young’uns learnin’ to whack that little white ball. They probably sell them little sticks and them fancy clothes they wear. Lord knows what else they got in there. They even got stuff like groceries there, I hear. And clothes, and things to make you look pretty. Who needs all that?
They got somethin’ called “Eventbrite,” they use it to tell folks about the happenin’s. Sounds like a whole lot of fuss to me. Back in my day, we just told folks by word of mouth. Worked just fine. Now they got this internet thing. They use the internet for everything, it seems like.

This Hunt Valley Country Club, it’s a whole other world, I tell ya. They got somethin’ called a “clubhouse.” Probably where they all sit around and drink them cocktails and talk about how much money they got.
They’re always doin’ somethin’ over there at that Hunt Valley Country Club. Music and parties and whatnot. Seems like they got a party for everythin’. They got one in August, I heard, somethin’ about divin’ into the calendar. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds wet.
Mildred says they got a calendar, a big one, with all the events written on it. Like that market thing, the HVCC Artisan Market on a Sunday in August, I think. And somethin’ else on a Thursday in May. Seems like they got somethin’ goin’ on every week. They do have a lot of events, it seems like.
This place, the Hunt Valley Country Club is in a place called Phoenix, Maryland. Ain’t never been there myself. Sounds hot. Like that bird that rises from the ashes. Maybe that’s why they call it that. They got somethin’ called “Arcis Access” too. Sounds important. No idea what that is, maybe it’s a secret club or somethin’.
They are always postin’ pictures on somethin’ called the “Instagram,” they got pictures of the clubhouse all decorated for the holidays. They say it’s festive. I reckon it is, with all them lights and whatnot. It is always busy in December, with all them holidays, I imagine. They got events all month long. Christmas and such.
Well, that’s all I know about that Hunt Valley Country Club. It’s a fancy place, for sure. Not my cup of tea, but I reckon some folks like that sort of thing. Me, I’m happy with my garden and my chickens. Don’t need no fancy golf or cocktails. Just need some good food and good company. That’s all that matters, really.
They got a whole calendar full of things to do, that’s for sure. Somethin’ called a “Lifestyle Calendar.” I guess that’s for folks who got a lot of time and money on their hands. Me, I got chores to do. Gotta feed them chickens and tend to the garden. That’s my lifestyle, and I’m happy with it. The Hunt Valley Country Club can keep their fancy parties and their little white balls. I’ll stick to what I know.